Let’s talk about manners, or more importantly, the lack thereof these days. Where did politeness go?
I’m not talking about the fussy kind of manners they show on “The Gilded Age†or “Bridgerton,†like curtsies and bows, and referring to every noonday meal as luncheon. I’m just talking everyday niceties — holding the door open, saying please and thank you like you mean it, and not checking your phone while someone’s telling you their latest news.
I’m no Emily Post or Miss Manners, but I wish we’d get back to some simple, everyday courtesies. The thank-you waves when you let someone merge in traffic. The person who holds the elevator door instead of pretending not to see you sprinting toward it.
These days, it feels like manners are considered optional. We’re all so busy being opinionated and offended, especially online, that we forget what it’s like to just be pleasant. Not fake smiles and simmering resentment, but actual considerate humans.
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Good manners aren’t about being prim and proper. They’re about respect. Growing up, I heard a lot about The Golden Rule. Treat others as you wish to be treated. The verbiage varies, but the concept is a tenet of almost every major religion in the world.
It’s a core belief held by individuals of very diverse faiths. Yet, we seem to fall short of adhering to it constantly.
I once watched a man stand up to offer his seat to an elderly woman on a bus, and two other women on the bus teared up. That’s where we are now — common decency is so rare it’s become a heartwarming Hallmark moment.
The good news is that small gestures are often contagious. Smile at someone and they smile back. Hold a door and someone behind you holds it for the next person. Put your shopping cart back where it belongs in the parking lot and often others follow your lead. Quietly, simply, the world seems like a bit nicer place.
Lately, I find myself clinging to those old-fashioned gestures like a life preserver in a sea of public Bluetooth earbud conversations and distracted thumbs scrolling Instagram under the dinner table.
Once upon a time, good manners were second nature. They weren’t exceptional. They were expected because we understood that sharing the planet with other humans is easier when we treat each other like we matter.
Somewhere between the rise of fast everything and the slow fade of thank you notes and paper greeting cards, manners have started becoming optional. Of course, we can survive without them, but why would we want to?
To be clear, I’m not suggesting we all return to those Gilded Age corsets and calling cards. But what if we stopped attacking strangers who disagree with us online and just scrolled on past? What if we brought back being considerate of others’ feelings?
The next time you catch yourself about to cut someone off in traffic or write a snarky text reply, take a breath. Channel your inner 1950s sitcom character and display some kindness.
Start with some easy common courtesies. Say thank you. Don’t check your phone during someone else’s story — even if it’s about their kid’s school play and involves 15 minutes of interpretive dance. Especially if it involves interpretive dance. You’re not going to want to miss that.
Because when we mind our manners, we’re not just being polite. We’re saying, in a small but powerful way: You matter. I see you. We’re in this together.
And honestly? That might be the most meaningful thing we can do right now.
